Sometimes You Just Have to Cut Your Losses (Don’t Worry I am not Leaving PC…!)

Ever since counterpart day (when your counterpart comes to the Peace Corps office to meet you and you both talk about expectations, roles, etc., ) and site visit (a three-day trip where you visit your site, find your housing and get to know your host agency where you will work the next two years), things felt a bit off. I remember meeting my counterpart and being worried because she was somewhat cold and distant (and for those of you who know me well, I am pretty much the exact opposite. I always greet people with at least a hello and most probably a hug…she doesn’t even greet people…which is also rare for Guatemalans who are so warm and open).

I also felt a tad apprehensive because all throughout counterpart day, my counterpart was too busy on her cell phone to come in and to listen to the talks about the roles and duties of peace corps volunteers. She was too busy to come in when it was time to plan site visit (we were supposed to meet with our counterpart to come up with a 3 day plan of what we would do together those first 3 days). She was also too busy to come in and help plan my first month at work…She was also too busy to say goodbye to me at the end of the day…

I ignored all these red flags, because, really, what could I do? Sites had already been assigned and whether or not I liked my counterpart, I was going to have to work with her for the next 2 years. I was going to Quiche no matter what, so I decided I had to be flexible and go with the flow and that eventually (like when I moved to site) my counterpart and I would have those important conversations and we would, at the very least, be able to build a working and professional relationship.

Fast forward almost 4 months later, and nothing has changed, despite my APCD and PS having a talk with her…I could share with you all the horrible things my counterpart has done, but that list would be too long. But the main thing is that she keeps me from working with the women in our group. Whenever she sees me building relations with the women in our groups (who are pretty awesome actually) she sends my outside with a crying baby because “the women are being distracted”…So really I never get to help facilitate sessions (which is what I am supposed to do) instead I am treated like a babysitter. And I have both taught pre-school and baby-sat, and I did not join the peace corps to do either one of these things. (and at least in the US I was getting paid for both!) It would be one thing if I was teaching the children or doing activities with them, but they are BABIES and this might sound awful, but they are not my responsibility. I don’t have children for a reason. Moreover, my job description is mobilizing the women so that they can be active members of society. I am not here for my counterpart to send me outside the room with a crying child…

Anyway, it was at this moment, with a crying baby drooling on my shoulder that I realized my counterpart is never going to change. I have tried to open dialogue with her, I have tried to help work with her as a partner, but it is clear that she doesn’t want me around. She has also done other things that have threatened my safety. I won’t go into details, but these last few things pushed me to go talk to my APCD (program director) and ask for a change. It is clear to me that I cannot go on working with my counterpart, because it will never be productive. I don’t want to waste my Peace Corps service. Time is precious and there are people in Guatemala who I am certain would want to work with me.

My APCD and Project Specialist are awesome and have agreed to look for new sites for me…so hopefully in about a month I will be at my new site with a new counterpart; one who won’t jeopardize my safety and will be willing to work with me, or won’t treat my presence in the office like the black plague…that would be nice at the very least (I am not asking for much here…!)

I guess I just got to this point where I had tried everything I could think of, tried everything my APCD had thought of, yet my situation was not improving. Because of this, my mental state was deteriorating and I realized (with the help of some awesome peace corps friends) that I needed to start placing my own needs first and ask for help. Again. I just think that my counterpart never wanted a volunteer in the first place. I really believe that is the heart of the problem. And in development work I firmly believe that you can’t work with people who don’t want you there or don’t want your help. So, really it is time to cut my losses and move on and hope for the best…

Let’s see what happens…because I love Guatemala and the Peace Corps and I am not quite ready to walk away from it just yet!