Chaos, Thy Name is Peace Corps

Before you apply to the Peace Corps, you are told that you need a fair (let's be honest, you need MORE than a fair) amount of patience and flexibility, for there are many bumps along the path to becoming a volunteer, and you need to be willing to face these obstacles head on. Some people even say that the application process for the Peace Corps is, for lack of a better desriptor, a pain in the ass on purpose...it is a test...if you can deal with all the curve balls (such as being assigned and reassigned various countries and programs) the Peace Corps throws your way during this process, you can survive the many challenges and uncertainties of actual Peace Corps Service...you have shown your dedication and motivation, both of which are important once in your country of service...

While my application process was pretty straightforward, with only a few bumps along the way (my region of service was changed a few times...), it was a very long year...However, once I got to country and met my fellow trainees, I heard that for some people, the process was longer and more painful...one person in my group had received two invitations prior to Guatemala, but last minute, both of these countries were suspended...it took her something like 3 years to finally get here! Now that is dedication!!

Anyway, as predicted, once in country, I had my share of ups and downs and constant surprises...When you sign up for the Peace Corps, you pretty much sign up for 27 months of ambiguity...For those of you who don't remember, once at my original site, I had an evil counterpart (and evil is being generous)...I also had issues with my host family and issues with my health. I wasn't ready to leave however, and after trying to make it work and having my director try to help, I was offered a site change...

I moved to my new site in April 2011, and while my counterpart was nice, she had no interest in working with me...so I went out and made contacts and met some pretty awesome community counterparts, such as the director of the library. At the library I carved out a niche for myself, worked with youth and taught english--not exactly what I had planned on but better than sitting on my butt doing nothing.

While things have been ok, they haven't been perfect and I have had a lot of downtime...often wondering wheteher or not I should stay or go...International Development has been my life for so long, and Peace Corps had been a goal since I first heard about it in a high school US History class I took back in the day. While I have acccomplished a few of my big goals, I often have felt unfulfilled here and many a time I had contemplated packing up and calling it a day...But I have been holding on trying to build more relationships and get more things done...

However, the last few months have caused me to question a lot of things. For those of you who have no idea of what is going on in PC Guatemala, well...let me explain...
Crime has been on the rise, a lot of which is associated with gangs and the drug trade. As a result we Peace Corps Volunteers have seen an increase in rules and policies, which, as an adult who has been out my house since the age of 18 (almost a dacade; I am OLD!!), have been restricting and bothersome to follow, but for our own safety.

During December we were shocked to learn that Honduras was removing all volunteers for a 30-day period to reasses the safety and security of all volunteers there. In the beginning of January, we were shocked yet again to receive an email from the regional director, offering every volunteer in Peace Corps Guatemala the option to take "Interrupted Service" (IS)...the best way I can describe this is as a "get out of jail free card"...You aren't exactly quitting; you are leaving for reasons outside of your control (such as an increase in crime and threats to your safety and security). However, Interrupted Service is not quite "Close of Service" (COS)...that is what you get when you complete your 2 years of peace corps' service...Personally, I think of it as graduating from the peace corps and obtaining that full "Returned Peace Corps Volunteer Status"--what we as peace corps volunteers most covet...

My initial reaction to this Interrupted Service option was, "I have 10 months left, I am gonna stick it out and hope that my work will improve and I will feel more fulfilled. I feel safe in site, though perhaps a little nervous while traveling out of site for whatever reasons: peace corps' meetings, medical appointments, etc.,.

Yesterday, an even bigger peace corps' bomb was dropped...an email was sent out saying that there is going to be an all PCV meeting next week, but any volunteer in Guatemala now has the option to early COS (close of service)...

I won't pretend like I have loved every minute of being here. I haven't. There have been more challenges than I could have possibly imagined (bigger than ginormous spiders and creepy scorpions lurking in my bathroom). But I have carved out some sort of niche here in my site and some sort of disfunctional family (I am pretty sure I am the crazy aunt who knits people awful sweaters) with my fellow PCVs. However, the last month I have felt extremely unhappy with the way things have been going; with the lack of communication, transparency, and accountability. I feel like I have been jerked around and lied to. While I understand that PC admin has been in a difficult position, I have the feeling that things are going to get way worse before they get better. There are going to be even stricter rules and policies, even more headaches, gossip and drama.

And life in site has been no picknick either...I have also been lied to and jerked around by the muni. Project start dates have come and gone, and I am tired of feeling like I am banging my head against the wall to get anyone to work with me. I am tired of being lied to. With all these administrative changes, threats to safety and security, and challenges in site, I feel like I am drowning. I feel like all this time I have been treading water, trying to stay afloat. But now I am just too tired to deal with it all. I am tired of fighting to be here.

The early COS option has made me realize that my time is up. It is time to bow out gracefully, take my early cos and "graduate from the peace corps early." I have learned a lot and grown since I have been here, and now I am ready. I am ready to graduate onto my next step, and Peace Corps is allowing me to. So I am going to...

This was a very difficult decision to make, as a part of me really does want to stay and try and accomlish more in my next 8.5 months of service; however, with all this concern with safety, my concentration and commitment to "making it work" have been shattered. And taking the early COS option is the best decision for me.

It is time for a change.

Thank you all for your support throughout this crazy adventure, which I will never regret and I am truly grateful for.