Motion Sickness

This past week has been the biggest rollercoaster ride thus far for me in the Peace Corps; which currently has me feeling slightly bipolar and a little dizzy from all the uncontrollable movement. The ups and downs of the Peace Corps never cease to surprise and frustrate me. You think by now I would be used to this, but I am not, nor will I ever be. In fact, I think I might have whiplash from all this uncontainable motion.

There are moments of utter bliss and tranquility-Kismet-when everything just clicks and I know that I am supposed to be here in PC Guatemala. For example, like today when I met an awesome girl named Elena, who I think is my first official guatemalan friend that I met myself (Yes, I am a HUGE loser here and have NO friends that I made myself...so meeting her was a huge deal...she bought me an ice cream cone...now if that isn't friendship, then I don't know what is). However, there are moments when I freak out and think to myself, "Why the HELL am I here? What the HELL was I thinking...What the HELL am I even doing with my time????" (Actually, let's be honest, I actually think the "F" word, but "hell" is somewhat less offensive...and my parents might be reading this...)

For example, after my craptastic experience with my counterpart, aka demon-wench from the underworld, I really was questioning why I am here if my work-partner does not even want to work with me, or even talk to me. However, then I decided to actively seek other opportunities away from this uncooperative, uncommunicative vortex of negativity, aka my counterpart, in case things continue to get worse with her. I found SO many people that I could work with and so many opportunities. There are people who like me! I knew it! More than this, there are people in Guatemala who are excited to work with people with other perspectives and experiences, people who value me as not only a work-colleague, but simply as a human being. They DO EXIST!

Moreover, there are people who care about me and want me to succeed; ie: my family, my friends back home, my friends in the Peace Corps, my training family, even my current host family (now that we have gotten through that awkward stage of them calling me a daughter of a terrorist thing...) my APCD, my PS, etc., They have all been amazing, in their own, unique way. Without this support, I really think I would have thought more about early terminating... (haha)...but I am going to keep on keepin' on...and enjoy the ride...even if it makes me cry sometimes...even if it makes me think about finding a voodoo doll and trying out voodoo on my counterpart...even if it makes me want to pull out my hair, throw-up, or eat a nonexistent tub of Ben and Jerry's all by myself.

There will always be obstacles in our lives keeping us from any type of satisfaction; in my current case, this would be She who shall not be named (counterpart diablo). But we can't focus on the bad, the challenges, on the evil counterparts of the Peace Corps World. We have to look past this and find the positive. Because it is there, obscured, perhaps, by negativity and people who want us to fail. Hidden in the darkness, is the light, the positive, the people who are rooting for us, and the opportunities that are waiting for us to find them...We cannot forget this...I almost did...