Every action has an equal and opposite reaction…

A few weeks ago, I reached my maximum frustration point with my counterpart and with my “work” at CODEFEM. My counterpart’s frosty demeanor and lack of communication would have been somewhat tolerable had I been busy with work; however, as my counterpart wasn’t communicating with me at all and as we are the only two people in the office, this made working with her or in general pretty much impossible. Finally, after my counterpart “forgot” to tell me that the office was opening a week later then scheduled and I sat for hours outside the office waiting for her (which had happened before and she would show up a couple hours later and explain that she didn’t have saldo or credit to call me…which made no sense since I called her phones a billion times and it does not take any saldo to answer the phone…but oh well…) I couldn’t take it anymore.

Anyway, long story short I had a meeting with my host country agency (CODEFEM) and my program director from Peace Corps, and ever since then things have been better…in fact, my counterpart has been creepily nice…it is really freaking me out…I am scared that any day now she will just snap and go back to not talking to me. But I am trying to take advantage of her change of heart and do as much as I can to help out so I can prove that I am indeed an asset to the organization…Anyway, things are looking up for me at the moment.

I still sometimes have those “what the hell am I doing here” or “can I really last in this country for 2 years?” moments, but after talking to many other volunteers, I have been assured that this is normal (I am not crazy! well…you know what I mean).
It is always going to be a constant challenge. There will be moments of sheer joy and even more moments of utter despair (maybe that is a bit of an overstatement…but you get the idea). There will be ups and downs…There already have been many. I knew all this before I signed up…and yet, each time it is a surprise…but it is those (rare) happy surprises, like having a woman give me an avocado at a taller (workshop) to thank me for my help that make it all worth it…
I think…

I mean…it was a damn good avocado…! I hope someone gives me mangoes at my next taller…maybe then it will all be worth it…=)

Motion Sickness

This past week has been the biggest rollercoaster ride thus far for me in the Peace Corps; which currently has me feeling slightly bipolar and a little dizzy from all the uncontrollable movement. The ups and downs of the Peace Corps never cease to surprise and frustrate me. You think by now I would be used to this, but I am not, nor will I ever be. In fact, I think I might have whiplash from all this uncontainable motion.

There are moments of utter bliss and tranquility-Kismet-when everything just clicks and I know that I am supposed to be here in PC Guatemala. For example, like today when I met an awesome girl named Elena, who I think is my first official guatemalan friend that I met myself (Yes, I am a HUGE loser here and have NO friends that I made myself...so meeting her was a huge deal...she bought me an ice cream cone...now if that isn't friendship, then I don't know what is). However, there are moments when I freak out and think to myself, "Why the HELL am I here? What the HELL was I thinking...What the HELL am I even doing with my time????" (Actually, let's be honest, I actually think the "F" word, but "hell" is somewhat less offensive...and my parents might be reading this...)

For example, after my craptastic experience with my counterpart, aka demon-wench from the underworld, I really was questioning why I am here if my work-partner does not even want to work with me, or even talk to me. However, then I decided to actively seek other opportunities away from this uncooperative, uncommunicative vortex of negativity, aka my counterpart, in case things continue to get worse with her. I found SO many people that I could work with and so many opportunities. There are people who like me! I knew it! More than this, there are people in Guatemala who are excited to work with people with other perspectives and experiences, people who value me as not only a work-colleague, but simply as a human being. They DO EXIST!

Moreover, there are people who care about me and want me to succeed; ie: my family, my friends back home, my friends in the Peace Corps, my training family, even my current host family (now that we have gotten through that awkward stage of them calling me a daughter of a terrorist thing...) my APCD, my PS, etc., They have all been amazing, in their own, unique way. Without this support, I really think I would have thought more about early terminating... (haha)...but I am going to keep on keepin' on...and enjoy the ride...even if it makes me cry sometimes...even if it makes me think about finding a voodoo doll and trying out voodoo on my counterpart...even if it makes me want to pull out my hair, throw-up, or eat a nonexistent tub of Ben and Jerry's all by myself.

There will always be obstacles in our lives keeping us from any type of satisfaction; in my current case, this would be She who shall not be named (counterpart diablo). But we can't focus on the bad, the challenges, on the evil counterparts of the Peace Corps World. We have to look past this and find the positive. Because it is there, obscured, perhaps, by negativity and people who want us to fail. Hidden in the darkness, is the light, the positive, the people who are rooting for us, and the opportunities that are waiting for us to find them...We cannot forget this...I almost did...

A Frustrating Start to the New Year

Vocabulary (you can’t be a PCV without about a billion acronyms and some random HCN words!):

PCV-Peace Corps Volunteer

Counterpart-host country national that the Peace Corps Volunteer will work with for two years (God give me strength) in order to help promote sustainability; in my case, a not so friendly or communicative/cooperative Guatemalteca

APCD- Associate Peace Corps Director; this is the person who is in charge of your program (in my case, my program is Municipal Development and my APCD is awesome!) and helps you when things get tough

PS-Project Specialist; works with your APCD helping you with your projects and placement at host agency (mine is awesome!); also helps you when times get tough (and provides hugs when needed!)

HCN-Host Country National

HCA-Host country agency; the partner agency where a PCV works

CODEFEM-the host country agency where I work; a local nonprofit organization committed to defending women’s rights and citizen participation but more so dedicated to making my life a nightmare…

PC/G-Peace Corps Guatemala

La Hora Chapina-Guatemalan time; meaning an hour or so tardy

Chucho-dog

That is all for now, but I am sure there will be more later=)

I was supposed to start back at CODEFEM Monday, January 3. I was a little bit nervous just because things at work have not been so great and I really wanted to start off the New Year in a more productive and positive manner. So, I went to the office ready to start the day (and year) off right. However, when I get there, there was no sign of my counterpart, which is not that unusual as she usually shows up 30-45 minutes late. However, usually I have the key so I can just let myself into the office. My counterpart, being the disorganized wench that she is, asked for my key before the holidays as she had lost hers (typical)…of course she never returned my key…

So, there I was sitting on the step outside of my office, literally freezing my butt off (Quiché is flippin’ cold and the cement I was sitting on was ICE COLD) reading A WIND in the DOOR, reliving my childhood. (This is a companion book to A Wrinkle in Time, and was like my favorite trilogy when I was 9; I found the three books in a used book store at Lake Atitlan!). Two hours pass me by, and I get worried…because 2 hours is absurd…I call all three of my counterparts phone lines, but of course NO ANSWER. And I don’t just try like one time…I am pretty much stalking her with the amount of times I call her. I then called the other volunteer who also works at CODEFEM (We work at satellite offices…She works at a CODEFEM office in the eastern part of the country; whereas, I work in the West) to see if she is at the office…Turns out she was having the same exact problem (By the way the CODEFEM satellite offices where we work are made up of one peace corps volunteer and one CODEFEM tecnica, or our counterparts)…

Anyway, we both decide that we have waited enough time…I sent my counterpart an email saying that I waited for like 2 hours and just want to know if everything is alright, etc., And decided to go home and go for a jog to clear my mind (Might I add that during said jog I was almost attacked by a crazy, perhaps rabid Chucho…I’ll spare you the details, but let’s just say it was a close call and I won’t be taking that path anymore…)

Anyway, I called the other volunteer to ask her to let me know if she gets any news from her counterpart, as her counterpart is usually more communicative and actually lets my friend know when she isn’t going to show up (unlike my inconsiderate, rude, uncooperative, incommunicado counterpart—I am not bitter...ok, maybe I am...)

My friend gets an email from her counterpart apologizing for not contacting her sooner and saying that CODEFEM decided not to open this week; instead CODEFEM would open Jan 10. This was news to both of us and was decided when the offices where already closed. After this I was pretty annoyed, and I start trying to call my counterpart, because I was actually pretty peeved. After about calling her 20 times with no answer, she finally picks up her phone and is all surprised to hear from me. (Um, did you not hear your phone ring the 20 times I called you, and did you not hear any of your 3 lines ring like all day yesterday??) (She never answers when I call...this has been going on since I started working with her...I am pretty sure she screens my phone calls)

She says, “What do you want?” (real friendly-like, this one...NOT)

I say, “Well, I waited outside the office for a bit yesterday…”

She responds, “Why would you do that?”

I say, “Because last time we spoke, I was told the office would open Jan 3”

She says, “No, I told you Jan 10”

And I said, “No, you didn’t”…but it wasn’t worth arguing with her, because she always does this, without apologies or regard for my time. I had the email from the other volunteer’s counterpart pretty much saying that this had been decided via email when the office was already closed. (So, no way this was decided when I was around) And my Spanish is pretty good so I don’t think I would have confused Jan 10 with Jan 3, nor would both myself and the other volunteer show up to work if we hadn’t been told Jan 3. Lastly, When I was making my work calendar, I asked my counterpart when the office would reopen because I had to submit that to my APCD, and she told me the 3^rd. But whatever. She is a liar, and has done this to me numerous times before, so I really shouldn't be surprised and shouldn't have been hoping for an apology or even an iota of respect from her, since I have never received either in the time that we have been working together...

AGH.

Anyway, my APCD and PS are going to do a site visit and chat with my counterpart (in a professional manner) to go over our roles and expectations…which I hope we be fruitful as I am not sure she even wants a volunteer to work with…and I can’t do anything since she is the ONLY other human being in the office (most other volunteers work in HCA’s with more than one employee so if they aren’t getting support from their counterpart they can seek out other people to work with; I really can’t do this without leaving my HCA entirely—which at this point, I wouldn’t mind) and the whole point is to work in pairs in order to promote sustainability…

She clearly never learned how to play well with others. I have tried. And I feel like I am at my wits end…I am a bit upset, sad, and frustrated that the New Year hasn't started out differently. However, I am not quite ready to give up on her or CODEFEM…(Although I am thinking a lot more violent thoughts toward her...and I am generally a pacifist...)

But I will keep on keepin’ on and see what happens…

So much for a less frustrating 2011…